[haruka] tell me this friendship is forever

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Something felt wrong about all of this. His insides were feeling weird, and they really shouldn't have been. All he had to do was knock on the door to Haru's dorm. It was the same as it had always been, and nothing needed to change. Oddly enough, he was just so worried that something had changed. He'd only been in college for barely two weeks, and Makoto felt as though he hadn't seen Haru for even five minutes during them.  He was so used to busting through his door every day and getting him ready for school that this whole situation just felt a little... well, bad. On top of that, Makoto still had his last race against Haru stuck in his mind. He'd only raced him to see if he could measure up to Rin in Haru's eyes, but Makoto hadn't even come close to matching Haru's incredible speed in the water. He was good at hiding his emotions about it all, or he believed he was at least. Part of him had been worried that he was going to loose his best friend, but he knew that was just absurd. Even with whatever seemed to be going on with him and Rin in the water, he just had to keep reminding himself that there was no way Haru would ever just toss him aside like last week's rotting mackerel casserole. He might have been feeling left out, but he'd still been his best friend since childhood.

The tall brunette wondered if maybe it only felt funny because he hadn't just sucked it up and come to bother Haru sooner then this. It wasn't like they hadn't hung out a bunch of times before college had started. Letting classes and busy schedules get in the way and all of that just seemed like a pathetic excuse. Realizing he had been standing outside of Haru's door for almost five minutes now, Makoto took a deep breath. After that breath, a soft smile spread across his lips. It was the same smile he always wore, the one that he hoped would do it's part in spreading to other's around him. He knocked loudly on his door three times. "Haru? Are you in there? It's Makoto," he spoke noisily hoping that he would hear him inside.  For a moment he wondered if he was even in there at all.  It hurt him to think that he didn't know exactly what Haru did with his mornings now that they weren't in high school anymore.  He assumed Haru was still doing  Haru-things, but how could he be sure?  "Don't tell me I'm going to come in and find you in a bathing suit in the tub again." He chuckled lightly. "Come on, open up!" He wondered if Haru had noticed it'd been nearly two weeks since they'd last spoken to one another.  Was he even allowed to just barge into his dorm?  He shook his head.  Of course he was.  Why wouldn't he be?

	Haruka Nanase	500 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE The bright, warm sunlight filtering through the window was the first indicator to Haruka that his day was beginning. And if not by the rays of life, than it was by the screaming phone alarm beside his arm, buzzing as if someone were dying on the end, a ceaseless sound, a thing so hard to ignore. It was the reoccurring theme of his mornings, but he never had the mind to remember to make it less heart-pounding, and the regret each morning would quickly vanish when he rose without protest. So perhaps, that loud alarm would stay for a while yet. Deep blue eyes absently scanning his room as he sat up, his mind was left instantly to wander, to ponder his days events; those events marked bright and bold on the calendar by the door, circles, lines, and marks scattered across its smooth surface. Usually the days were quite the same; wake, eat, have some time to self for a bit, then train until the sun set, eat, sleep, and repeat. He didn't mind it, but he had quickly come to relish the days where things were a little calmer. And that lack of lines and circles on this particular day was enough to bring a faint smile to his face. 'A weekend...' He rose slowly, and headed for the kitchen, where he instantly settled for cooking a nice good place of breakfast. A nice place of steaming eggs, bacon, and potatoes; a dish that'd make his mother proud. If there was one thing he'd always take pride in, it was his cooking skills, and despite the assumptions, he could cook things other than fish. 'I just like fish the most...' He mused internally as he set the plate down, and eat his latest creation, thoughts trailing to ideas of what to do with his day. 'I could spend my day at home, maybe in the bath... Or maybe I could go for a walk...' He thought as he was washing the dishes a few minutes later, expression thoughtful, only half consumed by the task. 'Probably should go get groceries later... Maybe...' A physical shrug in his own response to his thoughts, a common occurrence when he was at home; no one could judge you if you were alone. He had only just started relaxing in his bathtub when he heard the first knock. Sudden paranoia hitting him - an instinctive reaction now that he was out of the comfort of his old home - he slunk deeper into the water, nose fully submerged as he attempted to hide much like a child would from a bad situation. 'Go away.' He was totally forgetting the fact he lived right in the centre of everything, and chances are it was someone with flyers, or someone he actually knew. "Haru?" Oh, he recognized that voice. "Are you in there? It's Makoto." 'I mean, obviously. I don't know anyone else with your unique voice.' The smartass inside of him remarked, as he contemplated on his choice of action. Meaning, he was not budging yet. He wasn't ready. It felt like forever since he had last seen Makoto, and that panicked feeling returned within him at the thought of seeing Makoto. He missed his best friend more than he could ever admit, and now that that friend was here, he was at a total loss of how to react. "Don't tell me I'm going to come in and find you in a bathing suit in the tub again." Well, funny thing about that. "Come on, open up!" Haruka hesitated for a moment longer, and then rose, doing his best to ignore the anxious butterflies that had decided to reside within his stomach. 'It's your best friend Haru, he's not going to bite.' He told himself as he grabbed one of his large, fluffy towels, and headed for the front door, where he literally stood there for a solid ten seconds, thinking. And so, with a deep breath, and a thought about no regrets, he unlocked and pulled the door open slowly, rather childishly peeking from the door edge as he withdrew the wood from its frame. "Makoto..." Was all he said, face rather solemn, but eyes sparkling more than words could ever say. 'Welcome home...' Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

A few moments passed, and the minutes felt like an hour had passed. His head was swimming with questions and what if's.  Makoto did his best to swallow them down. He was being ridiculous, and he just needed to get over whatever negativity was pawing at his heart lately. He hadn't been himself, and he needed to get back to that. With that thought in mind, Makoto decided he was going in. He was going to bring a little bit of normal back into his daily routine. Even if he wasn't the boy next door anymore, and they weren't going to walk to school together anymore. The routine had changed, but their friendship didn't have to. He was going for it. He was going in.

Just as Makoto reached out to open the door himself, he heard a noise followed by it slowly opening. Very shortly after, he saw peeking out behind it. He spoke his name, and already Makoto was feeling a little less off. It was finally something familiar after being in this over-crowded, unfriendly university. Makoto stared at him for a moment, mouth slightly agape before he tilted his head to the side slightly and a smile took over his face. "For a moment there, I didn't think you were going to let me in. Are you hiding something in there?" He teased, but of course he still hadn't technically moved aside to let him in. Makoto was still standing outside of his door, feeling like a puppy waiting to be let inside.

The brunette held up a brown paper bag in his hand with some generic cafe logo printed on it. His smile was still just as bright, because he was unwilling to let it waver. "Are you hungry? I brought muffins. And their health food muffins too from a little cafe I discovered around here."  Makoto was glad to of found something that he didn't think would be a problem for Haru's training diet.  Then it dawned on him that Haru had probably already eaten. Haru was always good at taking care of himself. His parents weren't around in high school, at least not for his last year, so there was no reason he wasn't a pro at it by now. He'd bought the muffins as a bargaining tool for forgiveness for his absence, but really he should have thought of something else. He wasn't even sure that he needed to be forgiven, but it sure felt that way.

	Haruka Nanase	400 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE It seemed to take Makoto a couple seconds to actually process that yes, in fact, Haruka had answered the door. He had actually answered the door, a one in a million feat. And during those few seconds, he felt that familiar bubble of panic in his stomach again, but he pushed it down. He was so honestly worried that despite the words Makoto had yelled out before he had opened the door, that the other was there for a task, rather than to actually see him. Such an irrational fear, but he found he was so relieved and actually excited to see his friend, that he was terrified that it was for reasons other than his company. 'You need to stop being such a clingy person to your friends, Haru.' "For a moment there, I didn't think you were going to let me in. Are you hiding something in there?" If any of his internal struggle had shown during those few seconds of silence, it was all gone now, replaced with somewhat of a smile of his own, as he finally fully moved from basically hiding behind the door, and provided a nonchalant shrug, a common non-verbal response. "Are you hungry? I brought muffins. And their health food muffins too from a little cafe I discovered around here." He was aware of the faint scent of muffins wafting from the bag, and despite having eaten not too long ago, he was already hungry; one of the downsides of his amount of training. "Yes, come in." He replied simply, blinking a few times, before he then motioned for Makoto to enter, realizing the other would literally stand out there forever if he was not offered in. 'I mean, he should know by now that he can barge in... But I guess this is a bit of a different situation than normal.' The usual internal monologue muttered in his head as he prepared to close the door after Makoto; knowing the other would not say no to coming in. Once he had closed the door, he wordlessly led Makoto to his kitchen once the other had taken their shoes off, revealing a clean, tiny space, as per usual for the male. Once in the room, he realized he was feeling that awkward feeling again. 'It's only been a few weeks... Yet it seems... Like it has been forever.' He hoped it was just on his end of the scale, his nerves only shown in the way he absently played with the strands on the towel around his shoulders. 'He brought food though, that is good. And seems basically as normal.' He silently observed his best friend, eyes taking in the faint features of his face, easily able to recognize the tiredness, and the bit of uncertainty that laid there, with the way his eyes moved. "How is... school?" And there was his lame excuse of small talk; he was never ever good at this kind of thing. There was a reason why his circle of friends was so small. 'Why can't I think of anything to say?' The strings of the towel were so rough in his fingers at that moment, and he found himself staring at Makoto, desperately hoping for something to pop into his head to keep an actual, strong conversation. "I mean..." A pause. A struggle. "Like... Are you... Enjoying it?" Internally he could've given himself the most sarcastic of slow clapping in the world. 'You could win a medal for how lame that was, well done.' He mentally scolded himself; this was not what he had meant when he meant real conversation. The strings were so rough, digging into his fingers as he pulled at the fabric, eyes boring into Makoto as he tried to pull himself of this hole he had created. 'You're going to melt him with your gaze.' Mind reminding him of reality, he then shifted his gaze, looking off to the side at nothing in particular. "You seemed excited weeks ago... I... I hope it is still as exciting?" There it was, there was the real question. The real concern; he was hoping his friend was as happy as he had originally seemed to be about the idea. 'You were as happy as this yellow wallpaper when you first mentioned the idea, I really hope that you're still as hopeful and enthusiastic.' Makoto seemed happy, but there was a lingering feeling of hesitance and uncertainty, those subtle emotions he had picked up on the second he had opened the door to greet his friend. And he was really hoping that the real world wasn't slowly crushing Makoto's spirit; that was the one thing that helped their swim team survive some of the rough days. 'Though, to be real, the world could crush anyone's dreams... We all got lucky, maybe too lucky.' Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

When Haru gave him a shrug and moved out of the door way, Makoto felt a bit of relief sweep over him. It was like inside he actually thought that Haru wanted to block him from coming in. He hated the way this was all feeling. This should have been the most natural thing in the world. They'd been friends since they were just little kids, and two weeks apart shouldn't have changed anything between them. 'Why am I being like this? This is Haruka.' He was mentally scolding himself now. The two of them had only gotten into a single fight in their entire lives. That one fight was a result of Haru's stress and Makoto telling him he was leaving for Tokyo after graduation. Even though he had left, it wasn't like he was far away from Haru, but he wondered if Haru was still possibly upset about that whole thing. He shook it off inside, realizing that he was still dwelling on that past moment himself.

Makoto walked in after he was told to come in, still doing his best to mask any sign of relief that might have been fighting it's way to the surface of his expression. If Haru didn't think there was anything wrong between the two of them, then there wasn't. He didn't need to give him any vibe that would be cause for concern. The swirling inside of his stomach would simmer down soon enough. Makoto just had to keep focusing on all the positives of the situation.

One long arm stretched down, and Makoto took his shoes off while being unusually quiet for once. It would be now that he'd start telling Haru about something or another, practically talking his ear off. With all that time apart, Makoto just didn't know where to start. At least, that was his own excuse to himself for the silence. He still needed to make sure Haru wanted to know everything he had to tell him, even if it was completely pointless facts about his life like where he'd been eating lunch lately or the long lines at the university book store when he'd gone to buy textbooks. His mouth should have been shooting off now about the conversation he'd had with Rin that really helped him out since he'd been so uncomfortable with the being in such a large city. Of course, Haru wouldn't even know about his discomfort, which was a painful thought even though it should have been another relief. He was also dying to tell him about his run in with Sousuke Yamazaki, but he didn't. He just followed him into the kitchen in silence.

Makoto watched him in the kitchen, eyes taking in his every small movement.  He was studying him.  That's when he began to wonder if Haru was feeling the awkwardness too. Looking down for just a moment, he took in a deep breath, getting ready to say just about anything to ease any strangeness that he was feeling. Before any words came out, Haru actually asked a question. Makoto smiled, letting relief wash over him once more. Maybe he did still want to hear about all of the pointless little things Makoto had to tell him. 'Get a grip on yourself, Makoto. Again, this is Haruka.' That's when Haru continued, a little awkwardly in his own way of talking, which actually just brightened Makoto's rather sad smile a little further.

He kept talking, and Makoto knew he had to be struggling to get even the simplest of words out considering Haru wasn't much of a talker, let alone small talker. He should have really taken pity and ended his suffering, but selfishly, experiencing what he assumed was a desperate attempt at small talk from Haru was comforting. It meant that even if he had felt the same strange feeling Makoto had, he was still willing to try. He was staring too, something that was incredibly had not to notice, and Makoto found himself staring right back at him, still not quite able to get any words out. Why weren't they flowing out of him like they should have been? Haru broke his gaze on him, and Makoto swallowed hard, feeling it safe to waver in emotion for a moment as Haru looked away. Though, he was pretty sure Haru picked up on the fact that something wasn't right here. Otherwise he wouldn't have been trying so hard. 'Stop it, Makoto. Pull yourself together. You're better then this.'

Makoto let out a forced chuckle, playing it so it sounded as naturally as he could manage. "Careful, Haruka, or you're going to permanently indent the strings of that towel into your skin." He dared to call him by his actual name, and not just the abbreviated version. It was something that he did every once in a while, almost like he forgot that Haruka preferred to just be called Haru, which was very unlikely.

His green eyes looked downward. This was Haru. As much as he wanted to play his emotions off so he wouldn't have to worry, he knew he wouldn't have been able to keep it up forever. It was obvious that he still cared to know about what was going on with him. Nevertheless, he felt the need to try. He looked back up with a sad smile as he studied Haru's face as he stared away, trying to pick up on what he was thinking. The result was wrong, and it was upsetting. Two weeks shouldn't have made that much of a difference. Maybe he was just struggling to know what Haru was thinking because his own thoughts were so scattered.

Finally, he decided to address Haru's question.  "It's been an adventure, but I think I'm managing well." He forced his smile to brighten, hoping that the brighter it got, the more believable he would be. "I'm busy all the time, but I'm really learning a lot. The instructors are incredible, and if I can't write down all the notes, I can find them on the school website. That was something Rin taught me, actually." His words were perky, filled with as much excitement as he could stuff into them.

Then he stopped talking, unable to continue with the charade. A long pause took the stage before he spoke again. "Honestly..." He looked down, staring at nothing in particular.  Another long pause followed his single word before Makoto looked up again, searching for Haru's eyes if he could find them. "It's been hell." The previous excitement had fizzled out, and a serious aura had set in around him. He wasn't going to lie anymore.  Not to his best friend.

	Haruka Nanase	1114 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE Honestly if Haruka had to admit it it was actually rather easy to see that Makoto was struggling internally. It was so easy for a friend that had known him for so long to read the subtle clues, the faintest shift of expression, the abnormal quiet between the two during small transitions. Usually by the time Haruka had let him in there would've been a mountain of stories, but this time it seemed something was up something was on the other's mind. And this was the reason he so desperately tried to get some small talk going to initiate the side of his friend that just never ever shut up. He missed it, and he knew he find out the true reason behind the visit if he got Makoto talking enough. He returned his drifted gaze to his friend when the other made a chuckle-like sound, and Haruka couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the attempt, seeing right through its falseness. "Careful, Haruka, or you're going to permanently indent the strings of that towel into your skin." Rolling his eyes at the usage of his full name, he released the grip on the towel, settling for resting his hands behind him as he leaned against the hard cold counters. "Very funny." He said with a deadpan expression, although with not an inch of actual malice. Makoto then broke the gaze this time, seeming to be off in his own thoughts, and when the silence lingered Haruka didn't feel the need to break it this time. He could tell Makoto was thinking everything over, and he did not want to interrupt his friend. 'You can tell me what's up... I mean you usually do anyways. It wouldn't be different.' He mused, waiting patiently, wordlessly. Then his friend raised his eyes once again, and the touch of sadness now on his expression was enough to make Haruka worry just a bit more inside. Something was wrong something was up. "It's been an adventure, but I think I'm managing well." He could sense a half-lie, but remained silent as the other continued expression unchanging. "I'm busy all the time, but I'm really learning a lot. The instructors are incredible, and if I can't write down all the notes, I can find them on the school website. That was something Rin taught me, actually." The small speech sounded like Makoto, and had his enthusiasm in it. 'But that's still not you.' It made him wonder about all those times where he unintentionally gave off subtle clues that something was wrong; did the others worry the same as he was worrying right now? The long pause was enough to send his thoughts spinning; this was a time when all of his mind was on his friend.'We both know that is not it. There is more.' Blue eyes focused on Makoto, awaiting the continuation. "Honestly..." There it was. Another pause. Another moment of mutual uncertainty, worry, patience. "It's been hell." If he had been any other person, this would've been the indicator to initiate a hug a warm embrace; but he was Haruka, and he was not one for personal contact like such. His heart ached for his friend who finally was showing the struggle he had been facing, and the lack of any positive feelings on Makoto's face and in his posture was such a strange unusual thing to Haruka. It made him wonder briefly if this was how others felt when they looked at him with his tendencies to remain neutral; did they worry like such? Haruka honestly had no clue what to say, what to do, for he was rather useless in times like this. Fingers gripping the counter behind him, he stared at his friend with a rather sad expression, studying the other's face, the vivid green eyes he had come to know so well. When his words still failed him after a few moments he pushed off from the counter, leaving its cold surface, and moving to resting a hand on Makoto's shoulder attempting a comforting gesture. "I'm sorry Makoto." Was all he could muster up in that moment, voice a whisper, as he awkwardly patted the other on the shoulder. 'It must be as bad as you say if you can drop a cheerful mood that fast... Even if that mood was a facade.' He let his hand rest on Makoto's shoulder, leaving it loose, ready to remove it if his friend showed any signs of discomfort at the motion. "Do you want to talk about it?" Using a phrase he had heard so much in his childhood and well into later life, he hoped it would be enough for Makoto to open up even more, and get whatever was eating him up inside off his chest. 'I probably cannot help you... But give me the chance.' Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

He knew Haru was being sarcastic when he responded back to his comment about the towel, but Makoto smiled anyways. At least it was something, and he wasn't just being completely quiet. If he'd gotten himself to speak, that was a win even if he'd just been a little bit sarcastic.

Makoto didn't want to be acting like he was. He wanted to keep faking that everything was okay, because then maybe it would have been. He didn't want to bring Haru down with all the negativity he felt he was bringing into this room. The problem was that if there was anyone Makoto was going to let his full frustrations show to, it was going to be Haru. There was no one he trusted in the world more than his best friend. This was no one he wanted to come to more with this stuff then him. He was always trying not to, because he just felt so damn selfish. It didn't help that sometimes, when something was truly wrong, it had to do with his friend. For example, his jealousy of Rin and how Makoto felt he couldn't compare to him, especially not in the water which he was sure really mattered to Haru. Half of his issues now was that he didn't get to spend as much time with Haruka as he wanted to. He needed that slice of home. In fact, where ever Haru was really felt like home. His heart cringed, hating how selfish he truly was on the inside. He was begging himself to make sure he could keep all of that pushed down.

Just as Makoto's mind was slipping into a hole of depression, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder which seemed to have the power to snap him back to reality. He looked at Haru, hoping he wasn't being the trouble he felt like he was being. He was sure Haru had his own problems, and really Makoto felt like he should have been the one trying to make sure he had none. If he did, he should have been fixing them.

Haru's simple words were comforting. Even if he didn't say much, just being in the company of his best friend always made him feel more at ease. Makoto wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about. His instinct told him to say no and to cut the mood out before he brought Haru down with him. His heart, however, wanted to pour it's self out to him. Makoto was silent for a moment, pondering over the options in his head.

He finally spoke again, letting out a soft sigh before looking down and speaking. "I don't feel like I've found my place here. Every where I go, there are so many people. I don't see Nagisa or Rei or you anywhere in sight, and I just don't know where to go anymore." He shook his head. "I guess I've just never felt so alone." He paused for a moment, before a soft smile took over his face, and he looked back up at Haru. "It'll get easier with time. Time is about all that'll help. I've just got to wait it out, right?" He needed to be positive, if not for his sake then for the sake of not pulling his friend down with him.

	Haruka Nanase	557 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE Silence met his words, as Makoto briefly looked up at him, responding to the hand on his shoulder. The lack of response worried Haruka, who wasn't used to this much silence when in the presence of Makoto, who was usually so much more responsive and talkative. While it was nice to have a focus on someone else's problems, he was reaching the point where he was over the fence with worry. He had hit that many times before in the past, and he would never physically show it; but internally he was concerned as could be. All he could focus his thoughts on were how to get Makoto to speak, or to just look not so defeated and sad. "I don't feel like I've found my place here. Every where I go, there are so many people. I don't see Nagisa or Rei or you anywhere in sight, and I just don't know where to go anymore." At the mention of their mutual friend's names, he felt a tinge of sadness; it had only been weeks, but it had felt like so much longer with how much days dragged by. He felt he could sympathize with Makoto, but he had learnt from listening to conversations that that was not always the way to go with trying to be reassuring. "I guess I've just never felt so alone." At those words, there was guilt replacing the worry, the shared sadness. He knew how much Makoto valued his friends, and all this time it had never crossed his mind to give him a call, or figure out his schedule to run into him and say hi. Or, even when it had briefly crossed his mind, he was so busy that it was next to impossible to think about it too much. 'I'm so sorry, Makoto. I could have done so much better as a friend.' "It'll get easier with time. Time is about all that'll help. I've just got to wait it out, right?" When Makoto raised his head, and asked the rather open ended question, he felt conflicted, helpless, and once again, all he could do was stare, and be silent for a good round of moments. He removed his hand from his friend's shoulder in favour of absently chewing at the nail of his thumb, momentarily lost in thought, lost for words. So many things he wanted to say, but such little words he could actually speak, little things that he could think of that could make a difference. 'If I were any of the others, I'd have him laughing, or at least not looking so depressed.' He was frustrated with himself. 'But no, you're Haruka, the one who can't find the words when it matters the most. You're the useless one.' He was looking at Makoto, but not looking at Makoto; the usual blank face, the usual stare, but with a lack of focus. 'I can't even think of what the others would say or do in this situation, I can't help.' He wanted to scream, to expel the repressed annoyances, to let the world know of his constant struggle with things others found so very natural and easy. But he at least had the sense to know it was not his time, and the time he had remained silent was more than he should have ever allowed, for it let Makoto instantly know he was struggling. Forcing himself out of his head, he refocused his gaze on Makoto, and he made an attempt at a smile, but all he could manage was the weakest hint of a smile in history. "Yeah, time." Was what he blurted out with little thought, little convincing in his voice. 'They say time heals all wounds. But is that really true? Can time really make a broken person whole?' "Makoto..." He tried again. "It is okay to feel overwhelmed, or alone." He murmured, tone soft. Finally, he was beginning to figure out what he wanted to say, finding some words that he was thinking would maybe, just maybe, help. "You don't have to feel ashamed of that, or hide it..." He'd have liked to add on that Makoto was really bad at hiding it; but this was not the time nor the place for that. "You know that you can always call me when you need me, or any of them for that matter. Just because we all have different schedules, doesn't mean we can't help you when you're struggling." It was his turn to shift his eyes to the side, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "And... I mean... As your friend, I could have done a lot better at, you know... The whole communication thing." He was speaking quietly, eyes darting anywhere but Makoto, as he worked out an apology. "I'm sorry, Makoto." There was the words he wanted to speak the whole time, finally, he had gotten them out. "I'm sorry you had to struggle through the start of a huge life event by yourself." He briefly stared at Makoto; he wanted to offer various methods of contact and plan times they could meet up, but it seemed that he had used up his invisible minute of speaking for that time, and once again he found himself speechless, and feeling more unsettled than before. He was relieved that it at least didn't feel strange or awkward like it had for the first few minutes of their reunion, but he almost would've preferred that to this nagging sadness he felt. Makoto's words had slowly brought Haruka to the realization that their friend circle was rapidly losing touch, and that terrified him. Even if it had only been a mere few weeks, the more he thought about it, the stranger it seemed; he had hardly gone by a day in the past without a couple of them sending texts his way, or stopping by his home unannounced. Now, it had been weeks, and this was the first he had heard from a friend. He now fully understood what Makoto must've been feeling all along; alone, scared, abandoned. He felt bad that it had taken him this long before he had realized just how much time had passed, and how strange it was. 'I hope the others contact him soon... If he drags himself into a hole... I don't think I could manage.' Selfish, probably, but that was the truth. He would never admit to the loneliness each night. "Makoto." He paused, hesitant, gaze on the floor once again, fingers clenching the towel tightly. "Please don't let yourself reach this point before you come see me. I... I want to help you before you get too far into the hole." That was his way of saying he cared about his friend, and he didn't want to see him sad. It was painful to see such a usually positive figure so depressed; and if the fix was friends, then he would do everything in his power to make sure he was available as often as possible for Makoto. "Please." He whispered. Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

There was a silence between the two males, one that Makoto didn't feel threatened by. He knew Haru wasn't much of a talker, and he knew he was putting him in a difficult situation with his sudden depression by university life. Haru could say nothing at all, and Makoto would be just fine knowing that at least he was hearing him. Really Makoto just needed to get the words out there. He ne needed to not keep them to himself as much as he had been. Being in the presence of someone else, someone he was as close to as he felt he was to Haru, would be enough for him. He was still going to feel like same way, but for the time there were spending together at the current time, the gaping hole of loneliness felt so much smaller already.

The problem was that even though this time was making him feel better, it was making Haruka feel worse. He could tell he was struggling, and though some of Makoto's loneliness was fading away, guilt was replacing it with ease. He felt like a nail was trying to shove it's way into his heart. He hated what he was doing. Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut? Why couldn't he have done what he always did? Haru was one of the last people in the world he wanted to bring down. He cared about him far too deeply for that. The boy had been by his side since childhood, and he never wanted to cause him any pain. He'd spent a life time trying to ensure that, so he couldn't understand why he was letting himself do this now. High school was over, but that didn't mean he had to change. He was the side friend. The supporting friend. The best friend. He wasn't being a good friend if he was laying his problems on Haru like this.

When Haru finally spoke again, trying to ensure him that time was the answer, it stung him yet again. There was a weak smile on his face, and Makoto knew just how hard he was making him struggle. It was making him feel sick to his stomach. Now he was more focused on his worry for Haru and what he was doing to him rather than his own problems.

Just when he was slipping inside of his mind again, Haru began speaking once more. On top of that, he was speaking all the right words. All the ones that Makoto needed to hear for reassurance that him and the others were still there for him. Makoto stared at him, taking in the words he had to say. Rare moments like these, where Haru really got to talking, were the ones that showed exactly how big Haru's heart was. Makoto never doubted how much he cared about others, but there were certain times when he was happy for the reminder. Times when Makoto was filled with so much self doubt.

Then Haru apologized. Makoto's eyes began to quiver as he stared at him. He never wanted him to half to. He was busy. He didn't have to apologize for anything in Makoto's mind. Haru hadn't done anything wrong, and Makoto was cruel to make him think that he had. He fought the feeling of tears welling up in his eyes, not willing to let such a thing happen. He wouldn't break down. It would only make matters worse. He just wanted to man up and be the friend he was supposed to be.

Haru gave him an open invite to come and see him whenever he was feeling like this, but Makoto already knew he would never allow himself to lay the burden on his friend like this again. Makoto forced a smile, this time there was actually some truth to it. He wasn't feeling quite so lonely in this moment even if he was still depressed for what he had done to his friend. "Haru..." He spoke, trying to put the right words for this moment together in his mind. "Thank you. I couldn't ask for a better friend."

He wanted to hug him, but didn't want to make Haru uncomfortable with too much touchy. So, instead he just kept his smile up. "And you have nothing to apologize for. You have your own life, and I support that." He shook his head and chuckled lightly. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm sorry. I just want you to keep on track. Keep being all that you can be. You're going to do great things, and I'm not going to be the one to hold you back with my silly problems." His normal, bigger smile took over his face as he did his best to be the reassuring one this time.

	Haruka Nanase	804 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE There were times when the floor could become the most interesting thing in the world, and this was one of those times. The times when you don't feel quite ready to look the current situation in the eye, and retort to the next best thing. Haruka remained glancing toward their feet as a brief moment of silence passed between the end of his spout of words. Had he been looking up, he'd have caught the momentary break in Makoto's hiding of emotions, but alas, his eyes refused to meet his friend's eyes at the given moment, and an opportunity was missed. In the quiet, he felt vastly aware of his surroundings, the gentle click of the clock on the wall, the slight breeze that came from an open window above the sink, the way Makoto's breathing was slightly slower than his own; things he usually would take in with ease, but was only just beginning to realize this time. So used to being the quiet one listening and taking in everything, it was strange to realize just how much he had been focused into the conversation, and he was left hoping that what he had said would be enough. "Haru... Thank you. I couldn't ask for a better friend." This brought some much needed warmth into the situation, and finally, he felt a slight sense of relief. 'You might've said the right thing finally. Come on, Makoto, you're strong, you got this.' As Makoto paused for a moment, he took the time to look back up at his friend, and felt more relief upon seeing a small - albeit still partially forced - smile. This brought him to a gentle smile of his own, the sign of the Makoto he knew coming out making him feel a bit better. "And you have nothing to apologize for. You have your own life, and I support that. You don't have to worry about me. I'm sorry. I just want you to keep on track. Keep being all that you can be. You're going to do great things, and I'm not going to be the one to hold you back with my silly problems." Makoto seemed to be doing his best to lighten up the mood, but his words left Haruka feeling troubled again. Despite the smile the other wore, with increasing amounts of convincing, he still felt that this wasn't right, that this wasn't the right resolution. His own smile faltering, he pulled the towel tight around his shoulders, a mix of tension relief, and feeling the draft now that he had been mentally made aware of it. "But, Makoto..." He trailed off, looking conflicted. This wasn't right. "You can't... Your problems aren't silly." How could be explain this? "I want to be there for you, even if some turn out to be silly. I'm your friend, I want to help!" He was speaking directly, feeling the heat of desperation deep inside. Makoto couldn't fight this alone, and if he tried to, Haruka was worried that the other would either drive himself into a hole, or be gone so long that Haruka himself couldn't function. How could he explain how much he liked to hear Makoto speak and ramble about his day, his life, his problems? He liked hearing his friends talk, for it made the atmosphere lighter, and make up for his lack of contribution. And plus, how could he not worry about his best friend? There was no way he could, especially not after hearing that the other was struggling; he couldn't just push this out of the way and forget about it. That was not how he worked. A deep breath escaped his lips. He almost felt angry, or sad, or something, he just couldn't place his finger on whatever emotion he was feeling, or whatever the jumble was. "Please, Makoto, don't. Just don't." He shook his head, now recognizing frustration and despair, much like the mixture he had felt when Makoto had told him he was going to Tokyo for school all that while ago. "I know you well enough, you can't keep your problems to yourself. It will hurt you." He was doing his best to try and remain neutral, but his voice was shaking slightly, and his knuckles were white with the ferocity of his grasp on the poor towel. He refused to make eye contact with Makoto, staring far behind him at the wall. "I will always worry about you, you're my friend! I want to see you happy, and I want to be there if you're not!" And that was why he felt he had to apologize; he hadn't been there. "I have everything to apologize for, Makoto. I abandoned contact with you during one of the biggest transitions in a person's life. I had opportunities to, and I didn't take them." All those times he had pulled up Makoto's name in his phone, the moments he had free where he contemplated finding out where he was living, and to stop by and visit. He had meant to do that for all of his friends, but there was always an excuse, always a reason, and now all he had was a deep regret, a pit of darkness like a ball of led in his stomach. He was now staring intensely at Makoto, breathing just a bit harder with repressed emotions. It was almost like he had hoped Makoto would get angry at him for the lack of contact, the missing calls, the false sense of loss. He hadn't been prepared to have this strange sort of acceptance. "Don't pretend that it is all okay, when it is not. Yes, they say that time heals everything; but you are not going to be okay if you don't let us help you! You're not going to hold us back, you're not going to be a burden on us!" The way the other had worded those sentences had made it sound like a goodbye the more the words random through Haruka's mind, and he did not like that, not a single bit. Possessive, perhaps, but he was too worried to drop it now. This was when he took a step back, and closed his eyes, resisting the urge to run his hands over his face in exasperation. He could only pray that he was getting through, and that Makoto wouldn't keep pretending that he wasn't deserving of Haruka's time. He wanted Makoto to leave later that day feeling like a million bucks, and that he had a whole set of friends to rely on, and that he did not have to face all these new, scary things on his own. He wanted his friend to feel that even if he was having the worst day of his life, that he did not have to suffer in silence. And most of all, he did not want this to be goodbye; Haruka couldn't handle that, and he was willing to fully admit it. He opened his eyes slowly, and put his gaze back on Makoto, ready to defend further if needed, on edge. Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I want to help! Makoto's mouth went agape, realizing that what he said might have been the wrong thing. Haru was always helping just by being around, but there were so many things that Makoto just didn't want him to have to help with. He hated burdening Haru with all of his problems, silly or not. He just felt so much guilt for doing so, but he really didn't want Haru to feel as if he was useless to helping him. He really wasn't sure what to say. So he just stood there. For the first time, Haru's words had really caught him off guard.

When he spoke again, Haru sounded frustrated. It pulled at Makoto's heart strings, and his mouth finally closed all the way. His lips pressed together as he realized what he was doing by trying to keep all of his issues from blurting out at Haru. Maybe he did need to share things with him. Maybe it wasn't so wrong to let him in. No matter what Makoto did, he felt like he was doing the wrong thing. It was like he was hurting Haru, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. His lips stayed together tight as he listened to his friend, words racing through his mind as he tried to pick the right thing to say to him.

It felt like with every frustrated word coming out of Haru's mouth, Makoto's heart was slowly breaking. He felt like he'd pushed him too far with his dramatic, lonely feelings mixed with jealousy. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. How did he let it come to this? Why did he do this to Haru, and why couldn't he figure out how to make everything okay? He went about this all wrong. He should have waltz through his front door, muffins in hand with a big smile on his face, blurting out absolutely everything that had happened to him during their time apart. You're such an idiot, Makoto! Why didn't he just do that? What was wrong with him? He felt the tears threatening to come again, his eyes watering slightly, but he continued to fight them so none would fall. He was acting so pathetic lately. He needed to pull himself together.

Makoto was already being a burden on him, and he would have done the same to the others if he would have come to them like this. As much as Haru said he wasn't, he just couldn't believe it. He was so messed up right now, that he felt like he was grabbing Haru's ankle and threatening to pull him into the darkest part of the ocean with him. His thoughts were dramatic, but he was feeling dramatic. In reality, this was all probably what he needed to do. He needed to let everything out so he'd actually be able to breath and be himself again. He was holding onto way too much.

Haru had taken a step back from him, and Makoto didn't like that. It gave the effect that the distance between them was thickening, something that already seemed to be happening. Something that he was desperately afraid of. He stayed silent for a good moment after Haru had last spoken. "You don't understand, Haru...." Makoto looked at the ground, letting a moment pass between them while he debated his next words. "Just being around you makes me happy. You don't understand how much it means to me. You're my best friend. The friend that matters most in the world." He looked up and smiled, though his smile was sad from all the frustration his own emotions were causing Haru and everything else he was feeling inside. "And you don't have to apologize even if you missed those times, because we're together now. And really... That's all that matters to me..."

All of his emotions felt like they were coming to the top, bubbling, and threatening to boil over with any small movement. Every negative thing he'd felt between high school and now was surfacing, and it was written all over his breaking fast. He couldn't control himself anymore. Makoto took a step forward, wrapping his arms around his friend, unable to stop himself. He didn't care if he was invading his personal space. He was being so selfish, but he couldn't stop himself. He was at that breaking point. He was trying so hard to accept that things couldn't be the same as they used to be. This did feel like more of a good bye to him. He buried his face down into the top of Haru's shoulder, and that's when he felt it. His own tears were leaking from his eyes, and breathing felt harder. He felt like he was suffocating in his own depression. This isn't you. He kept telling himself, but it was useless. Everything was out there in the air now.  

That's when he let it slip.  The main issue tearing at his heart.  Something he never meant to say.  "Please, Haruka... don't leave me behind!" His words were muffled. The root of his issues finally escaping. Haru was going to move onto bigger and better things. Makoto wasn't going to be swimming beside him anymore. They were going down different paths. Makoto was going to be in the same place for the rest of his life. How long was it going to be before the visits stopped all together? Before neither picked up the phone anymore? Before Makoto was just a friend Haru might occasionally mention to people when bringing up his past? Rin was always going to be by his side now. That was all he was going to need. Makoto could feel his entire body trembling.

	Haruka Nanase	958 words
	yup.

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE The silence was only a couple moments, but to Haruka, who was struggling with emotions and thoughts, it felt like an eternity over and over. His mind was racing, his palms sweaty, his heart pounding. 'I said the wrong thing, I shouldn't have gotten carried away. I said too much, why did I say too much?' He could tell Makoto was unhappy, for during the last few words he seemed tense again. And Haruka did not like that, and he was angry at himself for not being able to just patch it up. Clearly something he said just wasn't right, and that was killing him inside. "You don't understand, Haru...." Makoto was the one who broke the mutual gaze this time, and Haruka wanted to scream his frustration in response. 'No, I don't, please just make me understand! I don't like this, I really, really don't like this!' His panicked mind screamed at him as the silence dragged once again, as neither had words to break it for a good few seconds. "Just being around you makes me happy. You don't understand how much it means to me. You're my best friend. The friend that matters most in the world." 'Oh.' And then his mind was blank, as Makoto raised his head again and of all things, Makoto smiled. While it was not a happy smile by any means, he was smiling in a time like this, and Haruka did not know what to feel about that, the anger calming a bit. "And you don't have to apologize even if you missed those times, because we're together now. And really... That's all that matters to me..." There Makoto was again, making little sense after all that had been said. Haruka almost felt lightheaded with confusion and his brain trying to catch up. 'I... Don't get it.' He was blank for a good couple seconds as he processed the change of tone, the change of choice of words. 'If... But... This is all contradictory...' But he did not have a chance to think about it any further, for Makoto was suddenly breaking, the walls he had tried so hard to build up to hide his feelings crashing down. And before Haruka could even react, he was embraced in a hug, Makoto finally hitting the point where concern for unease was gone. He was stunned into silence and stillness, until he felt the tears, the wet warmth on his shoulder, where Makoto's head now rested. He slowly wrapped his arms around Makoto, and patted him on the back, a feat awkward to himself, but again, it was something he had seen others do, and it was generally seen as a comforting gesture. "Please, Haruka... don't leave me behind!" It was hard not to break down himself when Makoto mumbled out the desperate sentence, the real, final reason behind everything. There was the truth, now he understood it, and it hurt. It hurt more than any words that had been shouted at him, and was tied right up with some of the major events during highschool. His breath caught in his throat, and he found that any words were also caught, unwilling to break free. Could he promise such a thing? 'Why couldn't I? I'd never want to leave Makoto behind, he's been my best friend since we were toddlers...' But he felt so scared to make such a drastic promise, even if he felt that he was so certain he could hold it. It could be something used against him if he broke it, but he also didn't want to say nothing, and leave his friend with a deep hole that could maybe never be repaired. 'Why must things be so complicated now...' He could probably try and convince Makoto to join the swim team at the university, and perhaps plan to hang out, but was that really what was wanted; did he want simple things like that, or was it more complex, was there more deep within that he was not getting? He could feel the other trembling, the repressed emotions run free, and he felt sad for Makoto. The change obviously had been so tough, drastic, and Makoto was the first to feel its true effects. He absently rubbed circles on the other's back, still slightly tense, but doing his best to remain as comforting as possible; his friend needed him, and he had just minutes before said that he wanted to be there whenever he was needed. He was going to stay true to that promise, at least. He then shifted, gently unwrapping his hands and removing Makoto's as well, so he could place his hands on the other's shoulders and be able to look him right in the eye. Shivering slightly as a result of the chill that had replaced the warmth where Makoto had been, he did his best to put on a reassuring expression, nearly breaking himself when he first caught look at his heartbroken friend. "Makoto," He murmured, rubbing his friend's shoulders. "Makoto... I would never willingly leave you behind." He was whispering now, voice shaking a bit near the end. "And... And I can promise that I... I will do my best to keep you as my best friend... For as long as I can." And finally, he was tearing up, the full effect of everything hitting him now. 'Just please don't leave me either...' Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Makoto paid no mind to the fact that Haru was patting him back and being a bit awkward about it, because he was too lost in his own mind. He was too lost in the flood of emotions that was over taking him. He couldn't even tell himself to stop anymore. It was useless, and he needed to break for once in his life. He always held it together. Always. Now he was failing. He was failing himself, and he just wished he could have been who he was supposed to be. Such a change shouldn't have effected him like it was, but it did. There was nothing he could do about it, and he hated that.

He felt Haru's arms move, and then Haru moving his own as well. Makoto want to grab on tight, not ready to let go, but he refrained. He was being so damn selfish. He felt Haru's hands on his shoulders, and that's when he realized he'd made a mistake. He was asking too much of him, and he'd crossed a line. Makoto pressed his lips together, begging the tears to stop as he looked at Haru. He was completely ashamed.

Haru's words felt like they shot him through his heart. They weren't supposed to, but it felt more like Haru was agreeing that their friendship wasn't going to last. It wasn't going to make it. Makoto was right. He wasn't the boy next store anymore. An emptiness was consuming him, and his stomach felt heavy. He wanted to throw up. He looked into Haru's eyes, looking for some reason to not believe that one day everything was going to be gone. Is it... already gone? He was no longer sure. He felt cold. Someone was going to take his place. He wasn't convenient enough anymore. There was no glue to hold them together like living so close had done.

Scanning over Haru, he realized he was only wearing his swim trunks again. If Makoto hadn't been so wrecked, he probably would have noticed that it was definitely even more inappropriate to hug him now then it would normally be to just reach out and grab for him. If anything, he just felt worse about the entire thing. Of course, he was being Mr. Awkward in so many ways. He didn't blame him for the words he spoke, but he couldn't help but feel pain while they rung in his ears.

Makoto pulled away so his hands could no longer reach his shoulders and stood there for a moment. Everything still felt so wrong. He was an idiot to bring any of this up, and he should have just left it all be. He couldn't take it back, so he did the only thing he could think of. He tried to push it down, and pretend that there friendship felt like it was untouchable. Like there were so many cracks in it. That it was waiting to fall apart into piece. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and then smiled. This time smiling was easy, because Makoto just felt... numb. "Well, we should probably eat those muffins. They're going to get stale by the time were done with this conversation." He laughed. "We should probably just forget about this entire thing. I'm just over-tired." He looked around the room, realizing it really wasn't the same as Haru's home. He was right not to barge in. It wasn't his place anymore.  He was making the worst move possible right now.  He couldn't pull himself back, and he needed to distance himself from the emotion.  That way he could be the Makoto everyone knew him to be.  The one that Haru might want to be around rather than whatever he was doing.  He'd screwed so much up just in this one visit.

	Haruka Nanase	637 words
	#whoops >.>

pyxis ★

[Haruka Nanase]

haruka nanase ,

APPLICATION, PROFILE The second Makoto raised his eyes to meet his own, Haruka knew he had messed up again. He saw the tears streaming from the other's eyes, but that was not what made him realize his error. No, it was the expression they wore, the way he stared at Haruka. He knew something was wrong, and that terrified him. His friend looked tired, sad, distraught, and almost; 'Betrayed?' His grip tightened slightly, but it was too late, for Makoto was stepping back out of his grip, and he nearly took a step forward to grab him by the shoulders again. He wanted his friend's warmth, his friend's comfort, but it seemed he had screwed it up once again. And he knew this, because Makoto smiled. Makoto smiled of all things. 'Makoto, no, I'm sorry. I don't know what I said that you took wrong, but I'm sorry.' All he could do was stand there dully as Makoto wiped his eyes, seemingly perfectly fine out of nowhere. But Haruka knew it was a defense mechanism; Makoto was hurting more than words could ever tell. "Well, we should probably eat those muffins. They're going to get stale by the time were done with this conversation." And Makoto actually laughed. To top the smile, he laughed. "We should probably just forget about this entire thing. I'm just over-tired." Makoto was so quick to dismiss everything, as if it all had never happened; but Haruka couldn't ditch it. He stood there, absolutely silent as Makoto seemed to actually take in the kitchen for the first time. Haruka shivered, feeling colder than ever, emptier than ever. The towel on his shoulders was doing nothing to warm the physical and emotional chill he was feeling. His mind was blank, yet full, too full of thoughts, like a bathtub left on. He didn't know how to react, what to say, what to do. And that's when he noticed it. The warm, wet tears making their way down his very own cheeks. It seemed that was the only way his body could react to this amount of stress at this point, and all he could do was stand there numbly, unable to stop the flood of emotion that washed upon him like a tsunami. 'Don't leave me, Makoto. Please.' He attempted to hide the silent display by burying his face in his hands and turning around, but he knew very well that it was too late. "I'm sorry..." Was what he managed to mumble out, the gist of everything he had to say, the true two words he had been trying to get across this entire time. He valued their friendship too much to let it crumble like this, and he was so angry and so sad that he had messed it up this badly in such a short amount of time. There was a reason he preferred to stay quiet, and this was a prime example of that. "I'm so sorry, Makoto." He whispered, voice breaking off at the end, as if he were too scared to even say his friend's name in fear of making things worse. What if the apology was just going to make things worse? What if this was the end? The end of their years together, the one fight, their second fight, the thing that tore them apart? That was a thing scarier than the time he had been watched by the scouts and panicked, scarier than the time he nearly drowned as a child. He could think of very few things that topped the amount of fear and panic that he felt right now, no situation he had had so far reaching this point. And that was what had finally caused his own walls to come crashing down; he was left like a frightened child. Makoto Tachibana

jellyfish princess @ adox

[Makoto Tachibana]

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Makoto's numbness came and went to easily. Numb was so much easier then the feeling of defeat he was carrying. He wanted to stay numb. He didn't want to feel any of this anymore. It seemed impossible though as he looked back at Haru. What have I done? That felt like the million dollar question ringing through his mind over and over again. Even though it looked as though he was trying to hide it, Makoto could see the clear tears that made their way down his cheeks. It stunned him. It was a rare site to see Haru cry, and it was the last thing he'd wanted to do. He was trembling again, trying desperately to turn off the panic the other's boys tears brought to him.

There he was. Apologizing again. Only this time the apology hurt worse then it had before. "Haru..." Makoto whispered, standing there, starring at the mess he had created far too easily. It was two weeks, and he wasn't strong enough to keep the distance from getting to him. He wanted to just blame those weeks, but he knew that this was a long time coming. He'd been choking down his fears of loosing his best friend since their final year in high school. If they hadn't come out now, it would have happened eventually. "Don't cry... Please..." His words were almost inaudible as he continued to stare, puzzled and afraid that he'd come over only to end it all.

It wasn't what he wanted, but on some level he was beginning to wonder if he was only letting things go this far to end something that he was afraid would get ripped away sooner or later. Maybe he was just trying to pull the band-aid off something in order to do it before Haru even got the chance. His mouth was running dry, and he swallowed hard. It brought a sharp pain to his throat. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen..." And if on some subconscious level I did, I'm so sorry....

He looked away, unable to handle the emotions that came from seeing what he did to Haru. "I just..." He struggled to find the right words to say. "It's just that I... I-I..." He shook his head. He just couldn't. He was at a loss, and didn't know what to do. He was supposed to keep him happy, and he was doing the exact opposite. "H-how can I fix this?" He looked back at Haru. "I shouldn't have even come today. I-I knew I was upset, but I came over anyways. I could have done it tomorrow, but I just-I just had to see you today." He felt like he was panicking. When he'd started getting negative thoughts this morning, he thought that seeing Haru would clear them all away. He hadn't expected this. "C-can we just... eat the muffins, Haru?" The damn muffins were supposed to be an offering of friendship this morning, and Makoto was at such a loss that on some level he thought that friendship muffins would make it better. It was an insane thought, but he was just so lost. "Then we can talk like normal. I can tell you about everything. I can tell you about running into Rin and about how he finally told me about some of his life in Australia...  I know he shared it all with you, but still..." The tears started coming again. "And I-I can tell you about Sous- Yamazaki. I ran into him not too long ago in the hallway, and I-I just... He was..." He stopped for a moment to catch the breath he didn't realize he had started holding. Looking Haru into the eyes, he gave him another smile. This time his smile was quivering. "Can we just start today over? I screwed up.... Worse than I ever have with you...  I made a mistake."  He looked down for a moment, taking a deep breath.  "We're stronger than this.  I know we are."

	Haruka Nanase	671 words
	dgsayuihdjoasnjfjkl

pyxis ★