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Iwatobi Alum
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Post by Haruka Nanase on Apr 23, 2016 12:47:43 GMT
haruka nanase ,
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"Thanks Haru, it means a lot." There was such a wonderful, genuine smile on the other's face, and it made him so happy to see that his encouragement was welcome. Once again he felt the joy that he and Rin were close again, and it brought a brief, content smile to his face once again, as he watched Rin. Hopefully the other would take those words to heart, and work hard enough to achieve what he wanted. He knew Rin had it in him, but he also knew that his friend needed the encouragement.
Then came the question he always hated. "What about you? What are your plans after Uni?" It was such a simple, open ended question, but it was something he was already getting asked often, and he didn't like it. His parents had been asking that question for over a few months now, and it seemed to be the topic of choice with all the students. And just like he had been unsure what to do when he was done high school, he was now totally unsure what to do after these few years were up, and it was a unsettling thought.
His smile had faded, and he had fallen into a silence, expression both sad and thoughtful, as he looked away from Rin, into the sunset. "Honestly?" A sigh, a calm tone. He refused to get upset over it. He wasn't going to repeat the things that had happened the last two years of highschool, and get angry over it, even if he felt the same fear over the unknown inside.
He shrugged, fairly unwilling to get into the details, but knowing that Rin would likely push a little more into it. He turned back to Rin, eyes focused as the two swung back and forth past each other. It felt weird to him that it seemed everyone around them had their life figured out, and here he was, just going through it day by day, literally only doing what he was doing right now to swim, and be near his closest friends. It would be something hard to admit the day he fully opened up about it, and he was determined that today would not be it.
It made him feel like some sort of an outcast; even though that wasn't all that new of a feeling, since he was well aware he had fit outside the social norm as a child. It was just unsettling, to have the pressure upon oneself to have everything figured out, when one hasn't even figured out the day to day life yet. "I want to swim everywhere, but I don't know how I want to go about that yet." He didn't want to say that out loud. It was hard enough to admit that he didn't have things lined up, ready to achieve. He could only hope Rin understood, and wouldn't overreact; there had already been too much of that when he had been pushed about the future only a mere months ago.
"Honestly, I don't know." He said it with great indifference in his voice, but there was more to it than that. He wasn't indifferent about it; he was just clueless, and without direction.
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jellyfish princess @ adox |
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Samezuka Alum
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Post by Rin Matsuoka on Apr 24, 2016 19:29:22 GMT
[googlefont="Courgette"]  you walked in and I think my heart done skipped a beat Rin's heart twisted when the other seemed to deflate at the question. Of course he expected that, but he couldn't seem to keep his stupid lips shut and leave well enough alone. It was a bad habit of his but he had a hard time putting a lid on his curiosity. He sighed, and leaned over in his swing enough to nudge the other some.
"It's okay you know." he said a small sigh coming from him as he let his eyes settle on something in the distance. As much as it was hard to think about Haru not swimming at his side from now until they made it to the Olympics, that wasn't his decision to make. As much as he wanted it he wanted Haru to be happy with his life more. It was so hard seeing Haru down. It hurt him in ways he couldn't really explain at all. He let out a breath and nodded when the other finished.
"We're still freshmen you don't have to have everything figured out yet. I was just curious." He offered with a small sigh. At the very least he hadn't made any sort of decision so hope was not lost yet. It was selfish of him, he knew, which is why he tried to keep it mostly to himself. "Whatever you decide I have your back alright?" He said firmly. Because at the end of the day that was true above everything else, even his own dreams. He wanted to be there for Haru wherever he could. It didn't mean he would give up his own dreams, but he wanted to be there for the other. After years of being gone.
"It's probably a good thing. That you're not sure yet." he said with a shrug. After all it hadn't been that long since Haru was still freaking out about what he would do after high school. It was stupid to think he had any sort of plans for what came after the next four years. "I'm sure you get asked about it a lot, but, I mean, you shouldn't feel pressured about it at all. You're not the only one without everything figured out." he added, hoping to be at least somewhat reassuring to the other. #378 |
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Iwatobi Alum
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Post by Haruka Nanase on Apr 24, 2016 20:42:33 GMT
haruka nanase ,
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Haruka was very glad when Rin's response to his honesty was fast, and accepting. 'It's okay.' The two words of the four Rin had said echoed in his head. He could tell from Rin's body language that the other had been hoping a different answer, but he was so glad that the word choice had been what it was, and that the other seemed to have a better grasp on his emotions. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle it if Rin were upset at him, and he really didn't want to provide opportunities for that to possibly happen.
"We're still freshmen you don't have to have everything figured out yet. I was just curious." There was a small sigh that followed Rin's words, as the other remained fixated on the distance. While he was totally right in that aspect, there was still that heavy pressure emitting from all surrounding that you had to know, had to be prepared for your future. He didn't like it. But, he didn't want to decide off the bat, and try to fit in, either. He knew he'd never be happy if he did not put some sort of thought into it, and so he had accepted the fact that he was going to be that person, and likely that person for a long time. It still bugged him, though.
"Whatever you decide I have your back alright?" Haruka couldn't help but smile again at that; Rin was really good at getting the smiles out today. He was not too sure how much truth there was behind it, but he could only hope that the other would support him no matter what he decided to do. He knew that Rin strove for so much, so high, and he had a feeling that the other wanted him to eventually follow. 'You might, but I still don't want to let you down... I don't want to disappoint you.'
"It's probably a good thing. That you're not sure yet." Rin cut into his thoughts with a shrug, and, realizing he was staring at his friend still, he shifted his eyes to the playground for a bit, thinking over the sentences. 'Is it though? I don't know.' It was troubling; he was understanding the feeling others felt when they expressed uncertainty, and he was unsure whether he liked that or not. "I'm sure you get asked about it a lot, but, I mean, you shouldn't feel pressured about it at all. You're not the only one without everything figured out."
Haruka let out a tiny chuckle at that, instant thought being absurdity; how could he not feel pressured about it when that was the biggest question of all, asked everywhere, all the time. But, he understood where Rin was coming from, what he was attempting to accomplish. He just felt little reassurance from it, even though he was trying to hide it. "Thanks, Rin." He responded quietly, finding that was the only real reply he could come up with. He appreciated the effort.
He had trailed off after the thanks, legs still moving in unison to keep him at a steady pace on the swing. The sun was behind the trees now, light beginning to fade, warmth starting to fade, and he felt a moment of sadness upon seeing the day was fading. He liked the calm days, and they never lasted. He sighed, closing his eyes briefly during the sigh. "I know one thing for sure, though." He finally spoke, words clearly carefully picked over, thought about. "I want to swim. No- No, I need to swim." There was determination in his voice. "So, whatever the final decision will be... I know it will involve that."
He was smiling again, nodding his head slowly. "Meaning, we will probably run into each other a lot far in the future." It was a nice thing to say out loud, almost giving him a feeling that if he voiced it, it would happen; and honestly, he could not see a way that it wouldn't. Even if he decided not to go competitive, it was pretty slim that they wouldn't run into each other every now and again. Take the current situation, random location. He looked over at Rin. "Which I'd have to say, is a nice thought."
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jellyfish princess @ adox |
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Samezuka Alum
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Post by Rin Matsuoka on Apr 27, 2016 17:34:26 GMT
[googlefont="Courgette"] you walked in and I think my heart done skipped a beat It would hurt like hell, having to leave Haru behind again while he chased his dreams, but at the end of the day he'd do just about anything to keep the dark haired swimmer happy. It was a scary thought when he let himself dwell on it, but he often didn't. Though he was supposed to be working on the compartmentalization thing he did in situations like this. Mostly because he wasn't good at it, and it came back to bite him when he boiled over with emotion. Right now wasn't time to dwell on it, though, as he'd get chewed out for it later he was sure.
Rin could clearly see the turmoil behind Haru's expression and it didn't feel good that he was the one that put it there, again. He had hoped to be reassuring but it looked like not even that was enough. He was awful at all of this stuff, and it was frustrating. He was trying, and he hoped that would be enough in the long run, but he knew deep down it wouldn't.
There was a fluttery feeling in his stomach at Haru's words and he starting feeling that misty feeling in his chest and behind his eyes. He wouldn't cry, not now. Even if they were happy tears it was embarrassing. "I'm glad." He said with a smile, wide and toothy. It gave him a surge of confidence about the future because it meant that no matter what he'd still get chances to swim side by side with Haru and really that was the most important thing for him. Above everything else, there was nothing that gave him a rush quite like that, a euphoric feeling that he couldn't help but chase every time he got. Haru made him want to be better, and if that wasn't something to strive for he didn't know what was.
"There's nothing I want more than to swim with you by my side far into the future." He said brightly. It was scary how much that was true. Above his dreams to medal in the Olympics, above anything. He really needed to take that apart one of these days. "It's not the same without you right there, you push me to do better. And I don't think I've ever thanked you for that." He hummed. He said, hopping out of the swing he was sitting in. He wanted to just hold Haru tight, but he knew that the other probably wouldn't be all that impressed by that. "It's reassuring to know that I won't ever lose that." He said, there was an unspoken that I won't ever lose you unspoken on his tongue. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that kind of honesty. He didn't want to push Haru away, and he didn't know exactly how far he could press before that happened, so he didn't risk it. #484 |
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Iwatobi Alum
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Post by Haruka Nanase on May 7, 2016 14:13:16 GMT
haruka nanase ,
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"I'm glad." The two words sent a feeling of happiness deep within Haruka. There was the honesty within the tone he had been hoping for, and it made him glad that Rin seemed alright with what he had figured out so far. As much as he'd have loved to make Rin happy beyond belief and say he wanted to follow the same goal as him; he couldn't lie like that, so it made him content that he was being accepted for this decision so far. There was a peaceful smile on his face, as he turned to Rin, watching as the other hopped out of his swing with the next string of sentences.
"There's nothing I want more than to swim with you by my side far into the future." These were all the things he loved to hear; it gave him a sense purpose to know he had a subtle goal, someone who just wanted him to be near. There were so many times when he felt directionless and purposeless, and this talk was pushing that to the back for the time being. And it was nice. "It's not the same without you right there, you push me to do better. And I don't think I've ever thanked you for that." Rin was off the swing, still wearing that grin he was well known for, and Haruka found himself slowly coming to a stop, no longer putting in the effort to keep his swing moving; instead focused on Rin, and what was being said.
It touched him deeply. He blinked a few times, feeling a small wave of emotion, but pushing it back. "It's reassuring to know that I won't ever lose that." He was still, feet resting on the ground below him, fingers still gripping the chains tightly, and he just smiled. "I could say the same thing back to you, Rin." He replied softly, voice light. "I am glad that things between us worked out in the end."
He then rose from the swing, taking a couple steps so he was beside Rin. 'You're a great friend, and I am glad I did not lose you.' He thought positively, as he flashed the other a happy smile. He wanted to put his hand on the other's shoulder or give him a hug or something, but not one for physical contact, he just had to let the other know he was very happy about this with a smile.
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jellyfish princess @ adox |
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